Wednesday, January 4, 2017

Call it what you will

I am not cold
There is a heart, beating in this chest
Blood
Coursing
Unstoppable
Necessary

I won't apologize for your opinion of me
I refuse to feel belittled based on your
     incorrect assumption of the character of my personality

You have no right to assume that you know what I am
     thinking
Simply looking at my face and body language cannot
     communicate to you my innermost thoughts and feelings
     on whatever topic is being discussed

You don't know me
I am not heartless, and I am not sorry

And yet
I am

I do feel that I should...feel more
I can sense the empathy people ooze through their faces
     and their posture as they physically communicate
     their emotions

A skill which is foreign to me
One which I do not recognize

What is this language they express through eyes
     bursting like a dam and lips quivering with the
     promise of storm and strain?

I wish I knew
I wish I could understand
I crave the power that emotion can possess

I can cause these emotions
I can stir a person's heart strings into stew after plucking,
     sometimes tenderly and sometimes ferociously from their
     comfortable, protected home
But that would be intentional, not natural

Control of others is not enough
Power over others means nothing if the powerful
     cannot control themselves
In that instance, chaos is all the more powerful

To me, emotion can often appear as the
     elephant in the room
The topic which I do not desire to touch or even
     acknowledge

I simply direct my eyes elsewhere, hoping, praying
     that the circus from which the elephant came will
     pass through without leaving so much as a kernel of
     popcorn on the ground

Some purposely seek out this circus and even enjoy it

I am of the opposite opinion, although learning to tolerate it
     would seem beneficial
Then perhaps I will gain common ground with others

I will see what they see
I will connect with their tender side

Instead of controlling their heart strings, I will
     loosen the white-fisted grip I appear to have on my own

But letting go is vulnerability at its finest

What I must first explore is whether or not I can push myself
     to face it

I am not cold
There is a heart, there is blood
The next step
     is to share it

Monday, January 18, 2016

Watch and listen

Have you ever stopped to think about how many people have come into you life, for any amount of time, and then suddenly they weren't there? Looking back, it's amazing the number of people I've known, whether they be people I called "friend" or those that I simply knew the face of.

Does this bother any of you? Why don't we think "Man, I wonder what happened?" or "I didn't think life could move so quickly!" Giving it some reflection there are people that used to be by my side, some even everyday that now simply are not. And I'm sure there seems to be an easy answer to this question, but I still find myself asking it: in thinking about those people, do I care?

Sure, some friendships/relationships just plain don't end on a good note. There was no happy ending in the author's mind that time. These situations are comparable to a Shakespearean tragedy. Spoiler alert: everyone dies. But in this case the people breathe on, while the tie that bound them has been severed. In some cases this is a painful process packed with whirlwind emotions, but I want to think about those ties we lost at a point in time that we can't even name because we honestly don't know when it happened.

I want to think about those friends that you knew in grade-school or that neighbor kid you played with in your front yard. Where did those people go? Did life just come in with all it's unpredictable power and sweep them away? We had to have noticed...right? They may not have had a huge impact in our lives, but they were certainly people we treasured because we're human! We are social beings that live on acceptance and can only develop properly when we are exposed to the experiences that we observe others going through.

So really that little neighbor boy wasn't just a playmate or your first crush. You learned from him, just like you learned from the quiet girl in your 3rd grade class, and your funny cousin you saw at Christmas every year. You watched these people, even if you had no intention of doing it, and you learned from them. They helped socialize you without you even realizing what was going on.

And to these people, these seemingly unimportant people, I want to say thanks. Thank you not for simply letting me learn from you, but thank you for giving me a small portion of your life. While I didn't know this when I was growing up, time is a precious thing! Thank you for teaching me through your actions, whether they brought you joy or pain. Thanks for letting me be an "extra" in "that one scene" of your busy, exciting life.

I have one more thing to say to those people who I may not talk to anymore and I may never talk to again: I know we can't go back, but we can always move forward, together. Just because a person falls out of your life for a time doesn't mean there's a no re-acceptance rule. We can still be in the same group for that science project, we can always go play soccer again in the front yard.

Make no mistake though, I'm not asking to go back. We're always going to be moving forward. All I'm saying is we don't have to have this irrational fear of starting up a conversation. If you're thinking of someone you were once close to, maybe they'd appreciate a call, a text, a facebook message, something! I know I would. And there's nothing wrong with that. Why not strike up a conversation, maybe bond over old times or let someone look into your plans for your future. There's no harm in trying.

So here's my challenge, for myself and for you: reach out! Open up those gates of communication. You have a mouth, you know how to form sentences, why not start a conversation? Remember how you learned from those people you spent time with so long ago? That doesn't stop in adulthood. We can always learn more, see more, think more, and feel more. Think back to the last deep conversation you had with someone on a random topic. I remember talking about theatre with someone this last week, and you know what? It was very refreshing! Let's get that back. Let's talk and think and learn from each other, even if the knowledge we gain doesn't seem useful to our day-to-day lives it is still something gained.

I know it's hard to make yourself talk to people just for the sake of conversation. Trust me, as a busy nursing student, it sometimes seems like a waste of time. But don't let that be your excuse. Say hi to that old friend that you haven't seen in awhile. Strike up a conversation with the new neighbor you haven't met yet. You never know what may happen. You could be that encouraging light that they were in need of.

Monday, September 28, 2015

Rise up

Every journey we take is obviously characterized by it's unpredictable ups and downs, which are (hopefully) events that we will be able to conquer in order to climb the ladder of personal growth.

But we've all been where I'm feeling now. Scared. Apprehensive. Doubtful. Crushed. On the brink of defeat.

Been there? I thought so.

But it's amazing what sources of hope and perseverance God leads us to during these times. These springs of hope can be simple, complex, or somewhere in the vast space between.

Amidst the stress, chaos, frustration, and even sadness and anger of nursing school, I have been given one simple spark to calm my mind and ignite my hope.

Now don't laugh when I tell you about the source of my encouragement, I told you it could come from somewhere simple!

And these past couple of weeks it has come from a song.

Yes, a song.

And I want to share that song with you tonight because it has literally been my anthem!

Andra Day is an artist that I happened to stumble across, listen to, and fall in love with. Her voice is unique, her lyrics are real as real can get, and I just can't stop listening to her! Especially her song "Rise Up." Have a look at her lyrics, look up her song to have a listen, and who knows? Maybe you'll feel as inspired and uplifted as I did.

Rise Up, Andra Day

You’re broken down and tired
Of living life on a merry-go-round
And you can’t find the fighter
But I see it in you so we gonna walk it out
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains

And I’ll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
And I’ll rise up
High like the waves
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I'll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousands times again
For you [x4]

When the silence isn’t quiet
And it feels like it’s getting hard to breathe
And I know you feel like dying
But I promise we’ll take the world to its feet
And move mountains
We gonna walk it out
And move mountains
And I’ll rise up
I'll rise like the day
I’ll rise up
I'll rise unafraid
I'll rise up
And I’ll do it a thousand times again
For you [x4]

All we need, all we need is hope
And for that we have each other
And for that we have each other
We will rise
We will rise
We’ll rise, ohh ohhh
We’ll rise

I’ll rise up
Rise like the day
I’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
I will rise a thousands times again
And we’ll rise up
Rise like the waves
We’ll rise up
In spite of the ache
We’ll rise up
And we'll do it a thousands times again
For you ohhhh ohhh ohh ohhh ohh [x3]



As always, thanks for reading! As you probably guessed, the delay in a blog post from me is of course due to the business of nursing school. But with the help of God (and a super great personal anthem), I can put my mind at ease, look myself in the mirror and say "Hey, it's awful now, but only so that the next chapter will be all the more fantastic."

Peace and God bless:)

Friday, May 1, 2015

Loving the learning

I am so thankful to have shared some words in chapel today. The best kind of assignments are ones that don't feel like an assignment because they turn out to be an enjoyable process!

I love when the learning process steps from a task to complete to a passion we feed. I am incredibly thankful for this step because now I can tell that I enjoy learning in multiple study facets.

Frankly, I used to hate history, but now I'm thankful for what I'm learning and absorbing in my history class this semester.

I never would have guessed that I would enjoy and learn from a discussion in a philosophy class, but here I am, thankful for the confusing questions and demanding discussions.

A lot of people have asked me why in the world I go to a liberal arts college. They then proceed to tell me how they're sister-in-law became a nurse in just two years at such-and-such a school in such-and-such a place.

I think I get it now. I think I'm starting to see why liberal arts is so cool, and this is why: being "forced" to take classes in multiple disciplines causes us (or me at least) to not just appreciate the knowledge, but appreciate the learning. It's not a love for knowledge we're after, but a love of coming to that knowledge! We are being taught to love coming to knowing things, I would dare say even more than loving what we are actually being taught.

That doesn't mean the facts we learn are useless as long as we love the learning process, the facts are still applicable. If I walked through the nursing program loving learning, but not retaining the facts, there would be no possible way I'd be a nurse by the end. (Studying is basically a lifestyle for nursing students!) I'm saying the facts are even more meaningful when we are passionate about what we are learning. And once we fall in love with learning, it does not matter what article we're discussing or disease we're analyzing, we will love it all, for it all falls under the umbrella of learning.

It only took two years, but I think I finally understand the beauty of a liberal arts education.

Thanks, Trin!

Call it an "aha moment," I guess.

Peace

Saturday, April 25, 2015

Note to self

I discovered this video today, and its message is something that I think needs to be written on banners in the sky, shouted from rooftops, and shared with every person in this world. Have a look if you'd like:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jKTZAsDVkzs

Whether we realize it or not, we are all subject to society's influences. I may not feel pressure to become society's "ideal" woman, but I can definitely see the ways society shoves the idea down our throats.

We all want to be seen as pretty, but what we don't realize is that each of us is beautiful.

And yes, there is a difference.

Beauty can be seen as a capsule containing so much more than just physical appearance.

Think of your family and closest friends.

What do you appreciate about them? What about them inspires you? What do you think makes them beautiful?

I am always impressed when my roommate's creative flair emerges. Her gifts in the realm of art are dazzling to me. Even pieces that she throws away are accomplishments that I know I could never reach.

That makes her beautiful.

My brother is out back fishing as I compile these thoughts. Every question I ask about poles, lines, and bait gets answered. The kid really knows what he's talking about!

That makes him beautiful.

I like working as a CNA and helping brighten my resident's days with a smile and a helping hand. I like asking about their lives and gleaning bits of wisdom from what they have to say.

That makes me beautiful.

Beauty is a person's passions, hobbies, quirks, gifts, and talents all rolled into one. But now that I've given a definition, I don't think beauty can be defined in this sort of blanket way. Each person is beautiful for different reasons.

So while we may not live up to external expectations of beauty, we gain hope knowing that we are all beautiful. Sometimes it's difficult to see this beauty, in ourselves or in others, but it's there. We need only take time to discover it.

So here's a little "note to self" for each of us: we are beautiful, no matter what anyone else says, for we were made in God's image, and He is truly beautiful.




Monday, April 13, 2015

Defined

Hi my name is ________.

I am a _____ major.

I enjoy ______, ____________, and _______.

I have been involved in _______, __________, and ____________ in the past.

My dad is a _______.

My mom is a ___________.

I am __ feet ___ inches tall.

I weigh _____ pounds.

I am from ______________ and have lived there for ___ years.

My personality can be defined as ________, ______, and _____________.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think you get the picture.

Knowing someone seems to start with this type of information. The sad part comes when knowing just this information is enough for a person to stop pursuing knowledge of another's life.

Why are we so quick to judge? Sure, not every person you meet will become your best friend, but when did we forget that every person is made in the image of God?

How about instead of defining someone by their past mistakes or things about them that irk us, let's accept every person for the beautiful creation God made them to be. Stop defining people by their appearances or downfalls. Our culture has us so caught up in these things that we forget who put us here and gave us our unique qualities.

Talk to her about her love of art. Talk to him about his interest in airplanes. Talk to that one friend about his thoughts on his future. Ask her how her family is doing. Ask about likes and dislikes and stories and habits, but don't forget to actually care about the person. Don't forget that they have a soul and a Creator who wants to see that soul in a new body in heaven someday.

Pray for that person. Pray for the friends, the third cousins, the enemies you may have.

Search for a way to better see people. Don't stop at the surface stuff. Humans are complex. Humans are deep. They have meaning. They have significance. Don't ever forget that.

We like to put people in little boxes and say "this is who you are to me," but what we far too often forget is what they are to God. Sometimes we even forget what we are to God!

Why do we do this?

Why do we let ourselves box people up? Why do we box God's creation?

Why do we box God?

Lately I've found myself defining people when really the only one who truly knows them is their Creator.

I've even attempted to define myself. But that's impossible. I don't know what changes are coming. I don't understand the most inner-workings of my brain. I don't know what I dream at night. I don't know where I'll end up. I don't know how to define myself, which, in turn, means I cannot successfully define other people.

The only thing I can do is look at a person and say "God, thank you for that life, that soul, that being that you made. You are awesome. You are wonderful and to be praised."

I can only look at myself and praise God for his love and protection. I can only look at myself and thank Him for saving me and making me His child.

Stop defining people. Stop shutting them out. Stop defining yourself. Stop defining God.

Thank Him for people. Thank Him for giving you life. Thank Him for being Himself and allowing us to get a glimpse of His love and power.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

As always, I have no idea if any of that made any coherent sense, it is just my thoughts typed in a box on the internet.

Thanks for reading. And happy spring, folks!

Thursday, March 12, 2015

Shifting our focus

Everywhere we turn we see ads, billboards, magazines, commercials and other stimuli that tell us how we need to change ourselves.

Lose the weight fast!

Buy these over-priced but name-brand jeans!

Find the guy of your dreams on our one-of-a-kind dating site!

Come visit this place just to say you did!

Gamble here just because you can!

But who are these things going to please? You? Your friends?

Sometimes it's tough to clearly see the calling God has for you. I know I want to be a nurse, but can I make the grade in the program I'm trying to get into? Why is it so difficult to get along with my family sometimes? Why does this whole moving thing seem so rocky and foreboding?

And then there's these silly distractions that we face everyday. The media is in our faces with everything from what cool new stuff to buy to what trouble the crazy Hollywood stars are getting into today.

It's hard to shut this stuff out.

None of it matters! Are we so caught up in our day-to-day lives that we can't pause and simply be thankful for what the Good Lord has given us?

Yes, there are things to be done. Life can get hectic fast, we often don't know how to react. But I have one question: who are we trying to please?

Are we doing good things for others because that's what God calls us to do?

Am I studying hard to be a nurse for myself or because God has called me to do this, and I want to praise Him with my life?

Are we buying the things we need, or the stuff we think we need to fill some sort of void?

Are we idolizing our favorite artists and stars?

Are we grumbling about our work because we feel mistreated?

God wants us to feel fulfilled through Him.

Did you know that Bible Gateway shares a verse of the day each day? Neither did I until I visited the site to find a verse for a paper I'm writing. Today's verse said this: "Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." -2 Peter 1:4

I'd like to share that verse again, combined with the verse before: "His divine power has given us everything we need for a Godly life through our knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and goodness. Through these He has given us His very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." -2 Peter 1:3-4

Where are your desires today? Are you living your life as a sacrifice to God? Are you living for yourself or for your Saviour? Be thankful for what you have, enjoy His beautiful creation, thank Him, and ask yourself: who are you trying to please?

"I urge you to live a life worthy of you calling." -Ephesians 4:1

Who called you? God.

So who should we live for? God!

As my dad likes to say as we dash out the door, "Live for the Lord!"

Thanks for reading. Peace:)