Just some venting.....

Why do I always get depressed during the "happiest" times of the year. Christmas comes, and everyone is all joyous, but afterwards I feel down and empty.

Summer is here! It's exciting, it's fun, I love it. Actually...I don't love it. I'm working all the time. I couldn't go on vacation. My friends never ask me to hang out. To be honest, it kinda sucks!

I'm in that weird, in-between time of my life. One thing just ended, but I'm on a waiting list for the next part. Old relationships are wilting, almost dead, but new ones are waiting just beneath the ground.

They say pride comes before the fall. But I think joy comes before the fall as well. I miss things. I miss people. I miss having my own time. I miss not worrying so much.

But don't take this as a cry for help. I'm not really in a deep state of depression, I'm just saying what I feel. Sorry for venting, but sometimes it just has to be done.

However, I am thankful. My family is home from vacation, and now there's more activity in the house. I'm making new friendships with people at work, not to mention all my adopted grandmas! And then there's that nervous excitement I have about college!

This has just been one of those weeks. Emotions turn to thoughts, and my mind goes wild with them. I think everything in the world is against me, but then I remember to put my head on straight and act like the adult that I am.

Sorry again for my venting. Mom's asleep so I have no one to complain to except you guys. I'm trying to come up with topics or prompts for this blog. Obviously, I've got nothing so far.

*sigh* Thanks for reading! Hopefully a better one next time.......

Home is Where the Heart is:)

You've all heard the phrase, but have you really considered it?

Let's take the heart. What does it represent? Love, obviously, but what more??? Life, freedom, emotion, passion.

We have the freedom to have a home to come home to. We have life to enjoy to the fullest. Emotion (and blood of course) courses through our veins. We're human! We feel excitement, passion, joy, feelings. And while the heart doesn't actually control those, it represents them.

So our heart, all things love and emotion, is at our home? Then what is home? Not just a house. It's where the people we love reside. Whether mansion or apartment or box in the streets. Home is where our heart is.

We are so blessed to be able to call a place home. Some people don't have a house or family.

I can't imagine being cut off from my family. This morning my nephew Micah was baptized and we went to my sister and her husband's house afterwards to celebrate. Imagine not having those opportunities. What if I didn't have a home to put my heart in?

My family knows me better than anyone on this planet. What if I didn't have people who knew me for who I really was? Hadn't watched me grow up. Hadn't laughed with me, cried with me, or loved me.

Home is where the heart is, and every human being deserves a home for their heart.

Drama at the ol' folks home

Sometimes my job is just too funny. Imagine being in the same nursing home as your mother-in-law. Seeing her at every meal, every activity, and her living only a few doors down the hall. If you're wondering if this is true of one resident where I work, then you assume correctly! Poor woman...

And then there's the residents who can't sit still at dinner, even when you lock their wheels. They eat five bites of dinner and try to leave, bumping the residents next to them. Yup, then the old lady claws come out. Drama, drama, drama....:)

And have I mentioned the residents who think they need to pee every five minutes? You take them to the bathroom and, since they have nothing to do, they put their call light on a few minutes later, thinking they have to go again! And I haven't even mentioned the wanderers that go into other resident's rooms and start stripping. Yikes! Or the residents who cheat at bingo...need I say more???

When I think about it, living with twenty other women in one hall and sharing a dining room and everything would get quite annoying. And it seems like when one resident is crabby, they're all crabby! You'd think they still got their periods or something.....

I don't want to come off as complaining about my job, I really do love it! And I'm thankful for it. Thanks for reading! Kind of a random/small post today:)

Questions....

Why do some people drive so slow?

Why aren't cool things free?

Why is junk food so delicious?

Why are certain people so darn annoying???

Why is Christian education so expensive?

Why is change sometimes so difficult?

Why has society been morphed into the mess that it has?

WHY AM I AFRAID OF ROLLER COASTERS???

Why is it hard to talk to new people?

Why is leaving such a difficult word?

Why is my car balding? (bad paint job)

Why are my eyes so ITCHY??? Oh wait, it's the allergies....

Why do people make fun of each other?

Why do we complain???

WHY DO WE QUESTION????????

                    
                           Cast all your cares upon Him.......

Fading from now

It's the end of the movie.

The cowboy is slowly sauntering towards the blazing sunset. Dust, heat waves, and emotions rising.

The camera flashes to the passionate girl. The friendly store clerk. The loyal friend. And even the stubborn yet thankful mayor.

The feeling? He will be missed. He made an impact. But it's time for him to go.

That's his story, but mine is slightly different.

He knows he is drifting, walking away. He is willingly fading into the distance. From one life to the next. One challenge to another. One path, branching off.

But my story is more of a realization. I didn't choose to drift. I didn't want to fade. But, like many things in life, it just happened. Poof! Bam! Shabang!!! *Insert magical special effect here*

Between being ready to leave and forge my own path and not feeling that friendly connectedness. Conversations are forced, as are smiles, even with friends. It seems that every new person I meet, pulls apart a relationship I've already created. I guess that's another side effect of change.

Being out of my comfort zone is suddenly comfortable. Usually change is a fear, but now it's a desire. Let me explore. Let me put myself out there. Let me breathe. Let me experience.

A shift has occurred. This movie is over. The end is near which will only give way to an even better beginning. A new movie. A sequel perhaps?

The cowboy has decided to walk away and start over, and I feel compelled to fall into the new beginnings ahead of me.

He is kicking up dust with his spurs. Forging a new path. And I am stepping forward, into a new beginning............




(in my boat shoes of course! haha, thanks for reading)

Bucket List

Do you have a Bucket List? I've thought about cool things I've wanted to do, like sky-diving and such. But I've never actually written a list. Here are some things I want to do in my life. Some of them, like sky-diving, are the predictable ones, some might suprise you:) These are in no particular order, by the way.

In addition to sky-diving, which I'm probably too scared to do anyway, I want to go cliff-diving, preferably in a European country like Greece or something.

I want to save someone's life!!! And of course tell the story a gazzilion times:) And hopefully being a nurse will help me fulfill this goal.

I want to snorkel on a coral reef. While I'm afraid I'd be killed by a shark, it would be totally worth it if I survived.

I want to sing the national anthem before a huge sports event, maybe the super bowl? I think yes!

I so badly want to be an actress!!! Even if it's just small parts in a few movies, I don't care. Or maybe a big show on Broadway. Or be in a music video. I just really want to act, and not just high school or college theater.

I want to be a fantastic mom. Growing up, practically everyone I know has told me I would make a great mom. So of course, I must live up to their expectations:) I want to be the cool mom that plans crafts when friends are over and loves Friday night game night and reads bedtime stories.

This would be very time consuming and probably addicting, but I think it'd be cool to be a youtuber. Instead of typing a blog, I could have a vlog. Ooo, sounds sweet, right? It would take a lot of creative juices, but it would still be really cool:)

Even though I've already done this, I'd like to go to Canada again and visit Banff and Jasper National Parks. The mountains up there were the most beautiful I've ever seen! I'd love to go hiking there again:)

Speaking of travel, EUROPE HERE I COME!!!!! Well, some day. I love experiencing different culture and surroundings. A trip around Europe would be incredible.

I'd also like to work as a nurse in a Central American country for a while. I hope to someday be fluent in Spanish so I can do this:) Or it would be awesome to be part of some sort of disaster response team.

I want to get published. I have no clue what I'll write, but it'd be awesome to look at a book or something and be like "wow, I wrote that. and thousands of people (hopefully) are reading it!"

I want to host an awards show. Not sure which one, but to be able to write jokes and speeches for it would be quite entertaining.

I want to meet the President! Even though I may not agree with him on everything, I'd enjoy meeting him. Or the next President.....or the next.....:) Wonder if they're searching for a White House nurse???

I can't think of anymore goals right now, except change the world in some way, but that's pretty generic. If I think of a lot more, I might have to make a bucket list #2, but for now, that's all I got!

Sharing in Success

I love seeing people succeed. Especially when I was one of the people that helped them.

Just this morning two of my friends from nurse's aid class took their test to officially become a CNA (Certified Nurse's Assistant). One was extremely nervous. The other? Confident. Almost cocky.

But both of them sought advice and answers from me because I took the test last month. I hoped and even prayed that my answers helped calm them down and bring them another step toward feeling prepared. After many texts and a few calls, today arrived. And with it, success for both of my friends. I literally jumped for joy after recieving each of the two texts that both exhibited the simple message: I passed.

At first, I didn't know why I was so excited for them. But then I realized it was because I was part of their journey to this day. I was their classmate, companion, and eventually, advisor(in terms of test prep). I think that's why I felt so proud of them. It's like we were all in a race. I finished first (which, in a real race, would never happen! but stick with me), and then I ran back to encourage them and even run with them for a bit. Now just look at this image in terms of a class, and you totally understand what I'm saying.

We've all experienced this in a variety of areas.

A dad cheering at his son's baseball game because he's been training him and playing catch in the yard for over twelve years.

A choir teacher clapping at a student's recital because she trained this student and taught her everything she knows.

I could go on, but you see my point. It sounds cliche, but it really does feel great to help someone succeed.

I love when my brother Caleb asks me for advice. I remember car rides to school (during his freshmen year of high school, by the way) and all the questions he would throw at me. And listening to him reminded me of how I was at that stage. I was full of questions too! And I realized that I was thankful for the people that answered my questions, which encouraged me to answer his.

When your loved ones succeed, it's a personal success as well because we get so proud of the ones we care for. I hope I get to help even more people in the future:)