Self-worth

It's so difficult to be confident sometimes. I know who I am. I'm aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. My faults and my flaunts.

You know what our society is good at? Making "normal" people feel like junk. Why is that fair? There is no such thing as a truly flawless person, so why do we all try to be perfect? It's impossible!

Sometimes I get really down in the dumps because I feel all the pressures of our culture weighing down on me, telling me to get better. I know what qualities I need to improve, but I don't want society to make me change them. I want to change them because I want to personally improve myself.

I'm not skinny, and I'm judged for it.
I'm a loud person, and people mark me by it.
I have my own opinions, yet sharing them make me enemies instead of friends.

In our society, if you have at least one great quality, they put you on a pedestal and praise you for only that. If you don't possess anything worth praising, you aren't given any worth.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have more friends if I was different. If I would be more popular or more successful. If I would be happier if I were different.

 After typing out this whole vent, I'm considering not posting it. It's easy to share my thoughts with a screen instead of pouring my heart out to however many people will read this post. Please don't take this as a cry of insecurity. It's just that sometimes I don't feel as important, unique, and beautiful as I am. I just wanted to reflect on how our society seems to encourage the wrong things while discouraging characteristics that make each of us beautiful.

It's in these times that I realize even more that I have to lean on God for my ultimate source of encouragement. And so should you:)

Words.

The Bible calls the tongue a double-edged sword. Sometimes the things we say can carry more punch than the things we do. It seems our culture has taught us to speak anything that is on our mind, even at the expense of others. Have an opinion? Share it with the world! Update that status, tweet that tweet, text that comment, or publish that blog.

Occasionally while I write these blogs, I have to delete portions of them because they are too blunt or even rude than I deem necessary. I apologize if anything in my blogs has ever offended you or swayed your impression of me. The last thing I want to seem like is a person unlike my actual self.

Typing words on a screen is much simpler than projecting our thoughts through voice, especially when they're negative. Social media and the Internet in general for some reason cause us not to think before we "speak" with the words we type. Why is that? Why is it so much easier to be rude through the words we type? Why is cyber bullying becoming seemingly more "popular" than actual bullying? We throw out any opinion we want to this screened-in world without realizing that actual people are reading it and interpreting it in their own way.

Lesson of the day: think before you speak, especially when "speaking" through typing something on the Internet somewhere. Once a thought slips from your mouth, it's out there forever. It's the same thing with our digital words. The tongue is a double-edged sword. Let's form our words for encouragement, not destruction. This is something that I and I'm sure many others need to work on.

Thanks for reading:)

For the love of Chicago

I'm used to little farming towns, not huge cities.

Knowing everyone, not seeing strangers everywhere.

This city is beautiful, and yet it holds many ugly secrets. The fast-paced "high life" is what most notice upon first glance. But now look deeper. See that homeless man on the street? Can you tell that that woman there just lost everything this very day?

It's easy to get caught up in the bright lights, breath-taking buildings, and well-dressed citizens. I feel drawn to it, but like I don't quite belong. I'm just a random college kid, walking around in jeans and a long sleeve sweater thingy. What good can I do? What impact can I have on this beautiful, mystical, majestic city?

Hopefully...someday....a lot!

I'm like Maria, spinning on the tops of the beautiful hills of Austria (yes, I just referenced The Sound of Music!). Free as a bird in this wild jungle of a city. Yet I'm tame. I'm mature. I try to notice the things that others don't. How cool would it be to someday live in this lovely city? To walk these streets with such purpose and power. To be "one of them" and yet still be me.

I recall watching one of my favorite episodes of Arthur in which Muffy and Sue Ellen take a trip to Crown City. Muffy, in her obnoxious voice, kept singing:
             "Crown City, you're dynamite you're peaches and cream....."
And the song went on accompanied by Muffy's voice.
Here I am. Little Muffy. Singing away about the beauty of the big city. And I'm the little country girl. Just taking it all in.

Funny how opposites attract, huh? Well, this is my home for a while. I'd better make the most of it, and make the most of it I shall!

Day 2 at Trinity

Today was perfect. I woke up feeling like I belonged. This is my home. This is my room. This is my bed. You know?

I love getting to know people. Their hobbies, random quirks about them, anything they're willing to share. And I know I accomplished that today. I met so many awesome people and engaged a few deep conversations. It's truly amazing how honest we are when we are amongst strangers! Best way to get to know each other, I guess:)

Chicago was amazing. I felt like a little kid in a toy store, staring up at the large buildings and beautiful architecture. This is such a fantastic city. Our group, Kappa, walked around Millennial Park a bit until we met with Joni. She's an alum and came to tell us a how she got to the point where she's at in life. She switched majors many many times and didn't have a clear goal until later on in her college career. Her story made me think of that quote that was told to us that morning: a story is movement that comes to a point. (okay, if I got that wrong, I'm sorry, but you get my point).

God has a plan for each of us, but sometimes it just takes time to find the real direction, the end result. And I hope that God reveals his plan for us in his time:)

On a less serious note, how awesome was The Amazing Mess??? Holy cow, that was incredible. It basically consisted of playing twister on a mat covered in chocolate and other smushy stuff, swallowing gold fish whole, digging through a pudding filled diaper with your mouth to find a gummy worm, and a whole assortment of other fun and messy games. Basically everything we saw as we came, eventually ended up on our clothes! It was such a blast:)

I'm so thankful that I feel like this is my place. Classes haven't started, the real stress hasn't hit, but I know God will carry us all through it. I love the friendly community feel here at Trinity. I can talk to anyone about anything! God is truly good:)

Peace:)

Wow. I am amazed at all the volunteers that were here to help today! I went to the tent to pick up my key, turned around, and they had all my stuff in grocery carts right in front of the door! Awesome sauce. Walked into my room to find my room mate and her family working on things. We finally decided to spice up our room set-up. It looks really cool! Not to brag or anything, buuut I am:)

There are so many incredible people here. I can't wait to meet them all! First Year Forum (FYF) is allowing us to get to know each other even better, through crazy name games of course:)

Anywho, move-in day was honestly a breeze. I'm so grateful to be here, and I hope I can accomplish all the goals I have:)

I feel pretty at peace here, to be honest. I likes it:)

Start of the next chapter

Well, here it is. My last blog post before going to college! Thank you to all of who read this. I'm glad that my words are worth your time:)

I feel as though I need to stand on a stage and give an acceptance speech. Something like "Thank you for all your support! I couldn't have made it to college without you." And then the crowd of my family and friends would go crazy with applause! And my heart would swell with such gratitude that I wouldn't be able to express. I would then walk off the stage feeling as if I were floating in mid-air.

My speech would go something like this:

First and foremost, I need to thank my wonderful family, especially my parents. They have encouraged me as much as possible and pushed me to my maximum potential. When I needed some venting time, they were there. When I wanted alone time, they were still there! Hehe:) *audience chuckles*

But I also have a few special friends to thank. Through my job, I have had the privilege of meeting so many incredible people. People who thank me for helping them, tell me I'm doing well when I needed some assurance, and laughing with me in our most tired moments. You guys make a work day fly by! I love feeling respected and appreciated, even when I was new. So thank you:)

Also, a huge shout-out to my past classmates. We have been through thick and thin, and I hope we can stay in touch! I will never forget all the laughs we shared. So thank you for being me friends, even through those "drama-filled" times. I hope God blesses in you in whatever you choose to do in life.

And of course, I need to thank my church. It is such a welcoming place that has allowed many people like myself to learn and grow. I hope I can find a church like that in Palos Heights. So thank you for your years of support, prayer, and encouragement.

God gets the biggest thanks today. He has blessed me with certain gifts and talents that have allowed me to accomplish many things, including the start of my college education. All these gifts will hopefully come in handy when I become a nurse someday:)

Well, there's my speech! Now for the hour long drive to my new home, Trinity Christian College:) Nurse life, here I come!!! 4 YEARS BABY, WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!!!:D

Can you tell I'm excited? ;)

What am I?

You are obvious, yet hidden.

You are seen, and yet unseen.

You can notice, without being noticed.

You can snoop, without getting caught.

You can doze, without being scolded.

You can confuse, and be in control.

You can wander, without seeming rude.

You are a barrier that is acceptable.

You enhance, while you single out.

You protect what you hide.......



Know the answer???



Sunglasses:)



Think about it....