Self-worth

It's so difficult to be confident sometimes. I know who I am. I'm aware of my strengths and my weaknesses. My faults and my flaunts.

You know what our society is good at? Making "normal" people feel like junk. Why is that fair? There is no such thing as a truly flawless person, so why do we all try to be perfect? It's impossible!

Sometimes I get really down in the dumps because I feel all the pressures of our culture weighing down on me, telling me to get better. I know what qualities I need to improve, but I don't want society to make me change them. I want to change them because I want to personally improve myself.

I'm not skinny, and I'm judged for it.
I'm a loud person, and people mark me by it.
I have my own opinions, yet sharing them make me enemies instead of friends.

In our society, if you have at least one great quality, they put you on a pedestal and praise you for only that. If you don't possess anything worth praising, you aren't given any worth.

Sometimes I wonder if I would have more friends if I was different. If I would be more popular or more successful. If I would be happier if I were different.

 After typing out this whole vent, I'm considering not posting it. It's easy to share my thoughts with a screen instead of pouring my heart out to however many people will read this post. Please don't take this as a cry of insecurity. It's just that sometimes I don't feel as important, unique, and beautiful as I am. I just wanted to reflect on how our society seems to encourage the wrong things while discouraging characteristics that make each of us beautiful.

It's in these times that I realize even more that I have to lean on God for my ultimate source of encouragement. And so should you:)

Words.

The Bible calls the tongue a double-edged sword. Sometimes the things we say can carry more punch than the things we do. It seems our culture has taught us to speak anything that is on our mind, even at the expense of others. Have an opinion? Share it with the world! Update that status, tweet that tweet, text that comment, or publish that blog.

Occasionally while I write these blogs, I have to delete portions of them because they are too blunt or even rude than I deem necessary. I apologize if anything in my blogs has ever offended you or swayed your impression of me. The last thing I want to seem like is a person unlike my actual self.

Typing words on a screen is much simpler than projecting our thoughts through voice, especially when they're negative. Social media and the Internet in general for some reason cause us not to think before we "speak" with the words we type. Why is that? Why is it so much easier to be rude through the words we type? Why is cyber bullying becoming seemingly more "popular" than actual bullying? We throw out any opinion we want to this screened-in world without realizing that actual people are reading it and interpreting it in their own way.

Lesson of the day: think before you speak, especially when "speaking" through typing something on the Internet somewhere. Once a thought slips from your mouth, it's out there forever. It's the same thing with our digital words. The tongue is a double-edged sword. Let's form our words for encouragement, not destruction. This is something that I and I'm sure many others need to work on.

Thanks for reading:)

For the love of Chicago

I'm used to little farming towns, not huge cities.

Knowing everyone, not seeing strangers everywhere.

This city is beautiful, and yet it holds many ugly secrets. The fast-paced "high life" is what most notice upon first glance. But now look deeper. See that homeless man on the street? Can you tell that that woman there just lost everything this very day?

It's easy to get caught up in the bright lights, breath-taking buildings, and well-dressed citizens. I feel drawn to it, but like I don't quite belong. I'm just a random college kid, walking around in jeans and a long sleeve sweater thingy. What good can I do? What impact can I have on this beautiful, mystical, majestic city?

Hopefully...someday....a lot!

I'm like Maria, spinning on the tops of the beautiful hills of Austria (yes, I just referenced The Sound of Music!). Free as a bird in this wild jungle of a city. Yet I'm tame. I'm mature. I try to notice the things that others don't. How cool would it be to someday live in this lovely city? To walk these streets with such purpose and power. To be "one of them" and yet still be me.

I recall watching one of my favorite episodes of Arthur in which Muffy and Sue Ellen take a trip to Crown City. Muffy, in her obnoxious voice, kept singing:
             "Crown City, you're dynamite you're peaches and cream....."
And the song went on accompanied by Muffy's voice.
Here I am. Little Muffy. Singing away about the beauty of the big city. And I'm the little country girl. Just taking it all in.

Funny how opposites attract, huh? Well, this is my home for a while. I'd better make the most of it, and make the most of it I shall!