Today I needed to be broken down to be built up.
Why?
I am a worrier.
I struggle with letting go of the little things.
I want to be in control.
Throughout my life I have gotten extremely good about worrying and then suppressing those worries and never sharing them.
But do you know what happens when your cup of worries gets full and you try to cram more in?
You guessed it: it spills over in a sudden rush of helplessness, loneliness, pain, and frustration.
Tonight I had one of these "holy-breakdown-tears-everywhere" kind of moments during Outcry.
All the songs seemed to point right at my situation. It was like God was grabbing me by the shoulders and saying "Hey. This is for you. Are you listening?"
I hate crying in public, but this experience was such a blessing. I felt the beauty of a simple hug, a rub on the back, or an encouraging gesture.
I felt the love of Trinity.
I felt the love of Christ.
And that is simply amazing.
"Cast all your cares on the Lord, and He will sustain you; he will never let the righteous be shaken." -Psalm 55:22
This was the message I felt tonight. We can't let worries, no matter how large or important, get in the way of our simple life mission: to serve Christ with our lives and become the person He wants us to be with the purpose He wants us to fulfill.
Thursday, November 20, 2014
Thursday, November 6, 2014
Conquerors
I like to consider myself a determined person, but man is it difficult to makes one's dreams come true!
I have wanted to be a nurse for so long. You know when you're a kid, and everyone asks you all the time what you want to be when you grow up? I always changed my answer: an artist, astronaut, writer, vet. My answer changed, but my true dream didn't. Being a nurse was always the goal.
You know what stinks about conquering a mountain? There are innumerable obstacles to get past. You beat yourself up, get frustrated, and think it would be better if you just quit.
And in life, we aren't conquering one mountain at a time, but many. Becoming a nurse is an obvious one in my life, but others exist as well. Tomorrow night (actually, tonight, seeing as how I'm writing this at 1:42am) our play Richard III opens. Our cast, crew, and director have all worked our butts off to pull off this monster of a production. I'm so proud of everyone and can't wait until we can prove what Trinity theatre can do.
Another mountain to conquer is work. Frankly, paying for Christian college is awful, and I'm struggling to get past this part of the hike. But, like all obstacles, future success depends on whether or not I conquer this.
There are some little mountains that occasionally pop up. Lack of sleep is a biggy, especially this week with dress-rehearsals every night. It's also hard for me to keep my tired, snappy mouth shut during a frustrating day of classes or a particular professor is getting on my nerves. I feel so defeated by feelings of guilt when I fail myself and give in to that rude comment or not being the kind, helpful person I should strive to be.
Mountains are tall, rocky, dangerous, and difficult. And they are for a reason.
Right now I'm running on adrenaline, pumping myself with fake joy. But inside I feel exhausted, distraught, helpless, and anxious. I started this post with one idea in mind, but of course it changed as my fingers tapped the keys. The words they typed led my brain to think of the beautiful passage we are given in Romans 8:
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
Rocks are hide to climb. Without good footing and consistent strength, it seems impossible to conquer the mountain. This passage is what's getting me through. I don't know God's will, but I'm praying He helps me conquer this mountain.
I have wanted to be a nurse for so long. You know when you're a kid, and everyone asks you all the time what you want to be when you grow up? I always changed my answer: an artist, astronaut, writer, vet. My answer changed, but my true dream didn't. Being a nurse was always the goal.
You know what stinks about conquering a mountain? There are innumerable obstacles to get past. You beat yourself up, get frustrated, and think it would be better if you just quit.
And in life, we aren't conquering one mountain at a time, but many. Becoming a nurse is an obvious one in my life, but others exist as well. Tomorrow night (actually, tonight, seeing as how I'm writing this at 1:42am) our play Richard III opens. Our cast, crew, and director have all worked our butts off to pull off this monster of a production. I'm so proud of everyone and can't wait until we can prove what Trinity theatre can do.
Another mountain to conquer is work. Frankly, paying for Christian college is awful, and I'm struggling to get past this part of the hike. But, like all obstacles, future success depends on whether or not I conquer this.
There are some little mountains that occasionally pop up. Lack of sleep is a biggy, especially this week with dress-rehearsals every night. It's also hard for me to keep my tired, snappy mouth shut during a frustrating day of classes or a particular professor is getting on my nerves. I feel so defeated by feelings of guilt when I fail myself and give in to that rude comment or not being the kind, helpful person I should strive to be.
Mountains are tall, rocky, dangerous, and difficult. And they are for a reason.
Right now I'm running on adrenaline, pumping myself with fake joy. But inside I feel exhausted, distraught, helpless, and anxious. I started this post with one idea in mind, but of course it changed as my fingers tapped the keys. The words they typed led my brain to think of the beautiful passage we are given in Romans 8:
31 What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all—how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died—more than that, who was raised to life—is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us. 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36 As it is written:
37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,[b] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Rocks are hide to climb. Without good footing and consistent strength, it seems impossible to conquer the mountain. This passage is what's getting me through. I don't know God's will, but I'm praying He helps me conquer this mountain.
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